The whole week was something I might not get too often in my life – happiness from the moment on I woke up in the morning! Nobody would believe how many thoughts and emotions I carry around with me every day. As long as I’m occupied with activities involving other people I’m distracted. But whenever I’m alone, which means basically in the evenings and on Sundays, I tend to fall into a hole that gives me sleepless nights and restless afternoons that I spend pacing up and down my room.
I didn’t have this problem before I came to Japan, but here my thoughts never seem to stop and there are many thoughts I’d rather not have. Thoughts many other yamasa students might share with me…about the future. Or better said this big unknown thing that awaits me in less than five weeks. In my case I’m supposed to finish university. That means go back into a life I didn’t like before (though I have to admit it’s the way I chose). But will my life ever be the same again? I suppose not. I’ve changed, so have my circumstances.
Being here has altered my views on love, friendship and values in life. I learned to avoid mistakes I would have made in the past and made many new mistakes. I got aware of things I don’t want in my life, rediscovered old dreams that were burried under a thick crust of doubt and despair but didn’t gain any deeper insights into what I want to do with my future concerning work or the place where I want to live. It’s not Japan, I guess. But is it Germany anymore?
How will it be without the constant ‚meeting new people‘ and getting to know all the cultural differences, that are so interesting to study. How will it be to be back in a country where everybody speaks my language, where I’m not the foreigner anymore?
I know all I can do is live my life and don’t be afraid of the future. There’s no sense in agonizing while my happiest time takes place right now! And happy I am!!! But if only those thoughts could stop for a while ><Alles Liebe,